You may be thinking at this point, But I have a life! I am busy all the time. Are you sure There is a huge difference between filling your life with busyness and filling your life with meaning. People who are living the unlife have one thing in common: they have put their lives on hold. They have become so consumed with finding (or keeping) someone to meet their needs and give them a sense of significance that real meaningful living has taken a backseat. They have convinced themselves that life isn’t worth pursuing with any sort of passion if they don’t have someone to share it with. Whether they are obsessed with finding The One or are completely jaded to the thought because their hearts have been broken, these are the ones who have contracted the fatal disease of the unlife. Here are the most common symptoms, the four Deadly Ds.
A desperate person has a sense of urgency about finding someone to go out with. He is starving for someone to fill the emotional hole in his soul. Desperate people go places only to meet the opposite sex. Unfortunately, their urge-to-merge strategy inevitably hits a dead end: they end up using people, having a miserable time, developing a bad reputation, and scaring off the person they hoped to attract in the first place.
Dependent people have difficulty making decisions and taking responsibility for their own lives. When a dependent person enters a relationship, he usually sucks the lifeblood out of the other person like a tick on a dog. Of course, as humans we all depend on others to some degree for certain needs. This is normal and healthy. But a person infected with the un-life will be excessively dependent on the other person to meet most of his or her needs and provide a sense of identity and significance.
3. Depression and Loneliness
Feelings of depression and loneliness are the number one complaint of people who buy into the notion that some-one else can make them happy. This can take many forms, but generally it is a condition that affects the whole per-son: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Most people living the unlife will experience such conditions as unhappiness, gloom, lack of energy, and withdrawal from others. It is also not uncommon to experience a significant drop in self-esteem.
The danger in depression and loneliness is that it may begin a downward spiral. In other words, the more depressed you feel, the more likely you are to withdraw and exacerbate the situation. Eventually, this can lead to an even worse condition—clinical depression, which can involve symptoms such as loss of appetite and sleep, difficulty with concentration, problems with normal functioning, and feelings of hopelessness. This more severe form of depression calls for professional intervention such as counseling or therapy, and possibly medication. The good news is that even in the downward spiral a person can be treated and begin a reverse spiral back to having a life.
Descriptions like isolated,” “withdrawn,” “lonely,” and “plays Xbox 24/7” describe someone who has disengaged himself from life. The desire to spend time with friends, get involved in the community, or serve at church and form other vital social relationships has vanished. It’s okay to have some silence and solitude—everyone needs that now and again—but healthy, “have-a-life” people are engaged with living and forming relationships with others.