Sexless Marriages-How Did This Happen?

Women seem to be raised to believe that men want to have sex all the time. The media is no help, as it consistently reinforces this myth. This makes it so that when a woman ends up in a sexless marriage, it’s painful, and it’s incomprehensible.

It doesn’t make any sense. The same exact man, who couldn’t wait to get you by yourself, who couldn’t wait to make love to you, will now act annoyed or exhausted if you hint at intimacy. Sex is supposed to be such a simple, loving, natural thing. Som how on earth did this happen?

Sex, it ends up, isn’t simple. It can an expression of love, a lot of fun, and the best part of your day, but it’s not simple. Anthropologists suggest it was simple, once upon a time. When the objective was simply procreation and a male perhaps fed a female in exchange for sex. They were too busy hunting, gathering, and surviving what ever animal might be trying to hunt and gather them first that to have time to worry about whether or not they were having sex on a regular basis. And, we really don’t know what a regular basis was anyway.

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Today we think we know. Women’s magazines constantly give results to polls that ask the inevitable question: “If you are married or in a committed relationship, how often do you have sex?” The average answer seems to be one to two times a week. This figure hasn’t changed since Kinsey first published his data on men in 1948 and women in 1953. Data may be data, but what about the couples who aren’t doing so well in this category? If you are in a commited relationship where having sex about once a month is normal, or even, once a year, do you even want to compare yourself to these couples?
Surveys have said that 40 million Americans live in a no- sex or low- sex marriage. Many think that this number may even be higher.Experts define a sexless marriage as making love ten or less times a year. This may not be a problem for some couple. If both people are happy with this situation, ten times a year or less may meet their individual needs and expectations, then this couple has no problem. This is rarely the case.

The loss of sexual pleasure and intimacy often results in anger, resentment, suspicion, depression, and sometimes even, infidelity and/or divorce. Although this issue is rarely one- sided, it is still surprising to many people that it is often the man who puts the brakes on sexuality.

Here are some of the main reasons men in commited relationships will choose celibacy or solitary sex. The main reason is boredom. Same place, same situation, they do it the same way every time. Men like variety, so when a couple gets stuck into a routine, the man is usually the first one to get dissatisfied with it. The things that seemed exciting at first now seem just plain boring. Some men may not be having sex with their wives because sex simply isn’t worth the effort. These men would rather watch TV, or surf the internet. Their wives may feel the same way, not really missing just ok sex, but missing the feeling of being wanted.
 
Marriage, and the easily available sex that usually goes along with it, frequently results in partners wanting less instead of more. The person with the lesser desire for sex almost always controls the frequency of sex. So, if a man stops wanting sex because of fear (which could be from erectile dysfunction [ED], premature ejaculation, inhibited orgasm, fathering a child, intimacy issues), anger, depression, and his wife becomes used to and distressed by this. What she then experiences is his rejection of herself. She will ultimately stop trying to make this stop and will become comfortable with the lack of sex.

There are no easy solutions to the monotonous sex that comes about in many marriages, but if the problem is just getting sick of routine sex, then anything different will usually work. This is why so many couples will tend to have sex the second they reach their hotel room on vacation, jet lag or no jet lag. This is not because of the free time or the lack of pressure; it’s simply the change of place, a different bed, new sheets, pajamas that liberate. All of those magazine solutions—lingerie, massages, erotica, fantasies, and sex toys—can really help, but may only be for a short time. A silk camisole and high heels instead of a torn T-shirt and socks can do wonders. The problem is, eventually you will probably run out of ideas and money.