If there’s one common question we hear from people who have ended their marriages (or their partners ended them), it’s this…
“Is there anything I could have done differently to save my marriage?”
We’ve discovered that it’s not what you do at the last minute when your marriage’s in big trouble that makes a difference…
It’s what you both do along the way to keep creating the relationship that you want that keeps it alive and healthy.
With that in mind, we’ve noticed some disturbing trends in marriages that can and do lead to their end.
Here are 5 trends that must be stopped if you want to keep your marriage growing deeper and more connected…
Trend #1: Making reality shows more important than your reality.
The latest trend for television seems to be reality shows and it wouldn’t be that way if we all didn’t fill our hours watching them.
Now there’s certainly nothing wrong with vegging out in front of the television–and nothing wrong with reality shows.
But when these shows become more important to you than you living your life, then there’s a problem.
If you find yourself caring more about the Jersey Shore women or the contestants on “So You Think You Can Dance,” “American Idol” or Susie’s favorite “Dancing With The Stars” than you do about the people in your life…
Get a grip and start living in your life.
Trend #2: The “blame game” is.
We’ve always blamed each other from the dawn of existence. It’s just human nature to point the finger outward at the other person when things don’t go according to how we think they should.
Even though blame is normal and natural, the only thing it does is separate the two of you and create resentment that just doesn’t go away.
How do you stop the “blame game”?
You just stop. You go on a no-blame diet even if the other person doesn’t. You just don’t allow yourself to blame.
This doesn’t mean you’re a doormat. It just means that you’re going to open to connection and finding creative ways to resolve your differences.
Trend #3: Quick to divorce.
Deciding on divorce before discussion.
Most people mull over divorce for many years before they actually take steps toward it.
Sometimes they mull it over so thoroughly in their minds, they don’t give the partner clues that they aren’t happy.
We encourage you to be proactive in making your relationship what you want it to be–and include your partner in making it better–before it’s too late.
Our Should You Stay or Should You Go? at https://www.relationshipgold.com/stay-or-go has been used by couples to help them get clear about what they each want and whether they want to move forward together or not.
When people make this decision alone, it’s usually gone too far and the relationship’s beyond repair.
Get help before it’s too late if this describes you.
Trend #4: Allowing passion and connection to die.
We believe passion doesn’t have to die, no matter how old the relationship or the two people are–if that’s what they want.
There can certainly be an ebb and flow to passion in a relationship as the two people move through various life stages–children, care of elderly parents, job changes, changes in physical body and health.
But through all this, no matter what happens or doesn’t happen in the bedroom, keeping some consistent element of intimate connection is essential to the health of the relationship.
Now of course this varies for each couple, but what we know for sure is that if you’ve been neglecting this aspect of your life, start paying it some attention.
Trend #5: Dishonoring and disrespecting each other.
Over the years studying relationships, we’ve witnessed a very disturbing trend that drives a wedge between the two people.
That trend is when one or both people– in trying to be cute, funny or for whatever reason–tear down or make fun of the other person in public.
The person who is the object of ridicule, even though it may be done as “kidding,” feels dishonored, not supported and not respected–and just plain embarrassed.
While ridicule and poking fun at someone might be funny on an “open mic” stage, it’s not funny in real life.
If you’ve used this as a way to relate to others, stop and get conscious of how this might feel to them.
If you’ve been the object of this kind of treatment, tell your partner that you don’t feel respected.
Our wish for you is long, healthy relationships and we invite you to not be part of perpetuating these 10 trends that kill relationships.