It was almost 25 years ago that Marsha suddenly decided to end her relationship with her lover. It wasn’t until a recent coaching session with us that she realized that she had been carrying the guilt and pain of that broken relationship into every corner of her life.Why?Because Marsha didn’t have closure with her boyfriend, she has guarded her heart since then, sabotaging every relationship. What we have discovered from our own experiences and from working with our coaching clients–in order to begin creating the life and relationships that you want, it’s often important to make completions.
One of the challenges that most of us face is learning from the past, appreciating it, leaving it in the past and focusing on the present moment. Making completions in a loving way is one way to move into the present and start moving toward what you want.
Does your life seem stuck?
Are there important words that you haven’t spoken to someone?
Are you still holding on to past relationships that have ended, whether you consider them to be “failures” or not?
Are you wondering why you’re not meeting a person who could be your “perfect partner?”
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, there may be some completions that you need to make and here are some suggestions:
1. Have a long-neglected conversation with the person, either in person or with a likeness. Our coaching client Marsha contacted her old boyfriend and apologized to him. After she did, she felt a peace that she had not felt for many years. If you cannot or choose not to actually talk with that person, you can make a likeness of the person with something like canned biscuit dough and then have the conversation that you need to have with that likeness.
In this conversation, make sure that you thank the person for what you have learned by being in that relationship. If possible, do this “ritual” by a lake or river and let the likeness go in moving water, along with those old feelings.
2. If you need to forgive yourself or the other person, take steps toward doing so. Remember that forgiveness is always a step toward your physical and emotional health and does not mean that you condone what you or the other person did in the past. When you begin to realize what you learned from that situation, you can begin to appreciate it and to forgive.
3. Do a physical act to get rid of constant reminders of a past relationship that keep you tied to the past. A year after Sam left his marriage, he burned his collection of CD’s which was the music that he listened to during his painful, last years of marriage.
During the burning, he let his old feelings go into the fire. In addition to the burning, he stopped listening to that music that was only reinforcing the pain that he had felt during his marriage.
After several years, he was able to listen to that music again without those emotional ties that had been so painful for him.
4. Do a ceremony, giving thanks for what you learned in a previous relationship and the blessings that it brought to you. Years ago, after the two of us decided that we wanted to be together, we chose to do a ceremony at a beautiful spot at the ocean on Bald Head Cliffs in Maine.
We thanked our previous spouses, sent them love, threw our wedding rings in the ocean and made a commitment to each other. This “Ring Toss” ceremony opened us to developing the beautiful relationship that we have built with each other.
Completions, if done in a spirit of love, can create the space for you to move from the past and begin attracting what you want for your life. If you are willing to appreciate the past and let it go, wonderful things just may be in store for you in this present moment.
For a free mini-course on getting over a relationship breakup or divorce, click here.